While I miss you every hour of every day, I missed you the most last Friday night. For Christmas I bought Dad tickets to see Billy Joel – a concert I’d of love to have gone to with both of you. We had dinner before and took a cute picture, but as awesome as it was as a father-daughter date, something was clearly missing.
“She can kill with a smile, she can wound with her eyes,” Joel serenaded the audience. Dad put his arm around me and swayed to that song- a ballad beloved by the 37,000 audience members. I looked to my right as his eyes filled with tears.
He was thinking about you.
I knew the song from the countless times dad’s blasted it on the stereo system at home. I heard the words in your delicate, high pitched singing voice and knew how you’d dance to the music. I missed watching it.
More than that, however, as dad stared into the crowd, I realized how much I missed seeing him love you. As Joel sang his love song, I thought of the love your marriage taught me. If there’s any couple in this world who loved each other purely and whole-heartedly, it was you and dad.
I miss seeing the way he’d look at you or chase after you as you walked away to be able to hold your hand. I miss the way his eyes would twinkle at the sound of your laugh or the sight of your smile. I miss watching him wait on you hand and foot or as you’d get annoyed at his endless questions or roll your eyes at his goofy jokes. I miss watching you make him happy and the way you loved each other.
So now, a year later, it isn’t just missing you. It’s missing seeing how others loved you and how you loved them. Joel’s song captures the way daddy loves you and as tears filled his eyes, I saw how much more he missed you than he’d ever orate.